some days training feels an awful lot like the final jeopardy episode.

today is one of those days.

who knew that training seemingly competent fully grown adults would be adequate education for teaching high schoolers.

sigh.

"pacific before tiger." --- life of pi.

when i think about the amount of things that i want/need/must accomplish in the next month/season/year, i can get overwhelmed to the point of paralysis.  some things feel so daunting that i feel immobile, which only perpetuates the issue more.  on some level i know things will get done, i will conquer, pieces will fall into place. 

this is ground level.

but my elevator shoots up awfully high at times, i get anxious watching all the numbers light up so rapidly.  it affects many things in life, mostly my ability to not just crawl in bed the moment i get home from being so tired.  i don't sleep well right now.

so sometimes, i just decide to focus on one thing at a time.  at this point, it's work.  i'm not going to feel horrific and lazy if i just don't get much done during the evenings this last month at work.  i am going to choose little, conquerable things to accomplish, and just keep moving ahead.   conquer one thing at a time, and stop looking around in guilt at the things you feel you should have accomplished.  bask in the acceptance of the ones who love and accept you, and know that your motor is not completely stalled, but just nearly to port.

the pacific.  then the tiger.  chin up.

1. cowbell
2. clapping hands
3. shouting numbers, like "1, 2, 3!"

-- the marks of a sure-fire catchy summer song, according to npr's all songs considered hosts, 2008.

this is what i learned on my way back from my date with the boy at some random restaurant in castle rock, complete with sitting on the tailgate of his truck for about and hour in the parking lot.

when you can only drive 30 minutes, instead of 4 and a half hours, it feels like a gift.  you take it.

this weekend: divesting more of my work stress, and mini-vacation with the boy in denver.   supreme.

i have been in a hiring mode for 7 months.  i'm exhausted.  today, i get this on a resume:

Previous Job Title: Secretarty

is that like an administrative person who dresses inappropriately for the office?

i finally had to get glasses, for night driving, and reading.

what do we think?

you know you belong to a very unique girl's church group when you go in talking about somewhat deep relationship and spiritual issues, and end up leaving, giggling, with a lunch date to go get a first time bikini wax a week later at a friend's salon.

i'm just saying.  there was quite a poll going on this evening, as well - preferences for that, ahem, area and then expectations for the male counterparts, replete with watching an online video someone made of just facial reactions to getting waxed, set to music.

i'd say for everyone to add their thoughts/comments, but i understand if i meet silence on this one.  it's for the brave, for sure.  but i'm curious...

very very fun.

http://www.boingboing.net/2008/07/07/balloon-animals-from.html

 occasionally i look back one year to see what i posted one year ago, and last summer i kept up a decent photo album.  so this year's submissions of summer, so far:

the seaweed heart.  santa monica, california.

the boy has turned his back on me.  malibu, california.

brother with addison manning the boat.  lake dillon, colorado.

we.  lake dillon, colorado.

taking pictures at the 4th of july with the bitchin camera the boy's stepmom found in the closet.  in case you can't see, the name brand is rokinon.  ROKINON.

this was the birthday present i gave the boy this year, a belt buckle.  yes, this means you are technically looking at a picture of his crotch, but just put that out of your mind, because the belt is THAT COOL.

http://indexed.blogspot.com/ has been in my rotation this summer, as it were.  if you enjoy flight of the conchords, math, nerdy humor and office supplies, you should enjoy it.  check it out.

the boy and morgan getting their fortunes read by the almighty zoltar.  they both turned into 30 year old men trapped in a boy's body shortly thereafter.  just kidding.  santa monica pier, california.

the best reading spot.  santa monica, california.

margo & patricia, watching enchanted for the millionth time.  colorado springs, colorado.

i am not working for a year.

that's about nearly the best thing i can think of right now.

the last time i felt this adventurously excited was right before i left for seattle.  i've got glimpses of that same feeling in the last few years, when i met this boy...

but this is like a combination of a huge weight off my shoulders, like i'm getting off this really fast train and actually get to walk around these places that i've only seen out the window, a nervous adventure of actually being able to sit in class and only have to think about what it is that i am learning.

if this choice had a color, it would be a really brilliant goldenrod.

august 22nd is my last day of work.
august 25th is my "first" day of school.
september 5th i get to see good old friends.
and september the boy comes to me, for good.

fall remains my favorite season.

i would like a time travel machine, please, and for it to be september now.  i love summer.  adore it.  so for me to say i would gladly give up 2 months of the glorious season just for it to be two months in the future - you know i mean it.